


Do No Harm

by Louffox



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Cute, Ed is too pure for the world, Edward is a hero, Luckily Ed is also very shiny, M/M, Our Boyes Go To Jail, SO FLUFFY, Tjelvar is distracted by shiny things, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, it's just adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 22:22:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22005406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louffox/pseuds/Louffox
Summary: Tjelvar knew he should've held his hand.
Relationships: Edward Keystone/Tjelvar Stornsnasson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	Do No Harm

**Author's Note:**

> this is just fluff. that's it. sweet sweet sugary fluff.

Tjelvar had been distracted for just a moment. That was all. He’d seen a beautiful magnifying rig in a window, and had stopped to ponder it. The thing had a dozen tiny lenses of varying circumference and width suspended by gold arms, and each was connected to a small web of gears. He puzzled at how it worked- did the lenses slide down into place, or did they twist to redirect view? There was some sort of light at the bottom, under another bit of glass. When he craned his neck a bit, he could see it might have an aperture above it. Fascinating. He looked around to see if a shopkeeper was visible so he could ask about it. His last job had paid handsomely, and he could potentially afford something like this- though storing it safely and transporting it, hmm-  
  


“Ed?” he said, suddenly realizing he’d stopped walking without saying anything, without telling the sunny paladin to wait.  
  


“Eddie?”  
  


The paladin was nowhere to be seen.  
  


Tjelvar put both his hands on his forehead. Had he really just been distracted by something shiny and lost his paladin? He could’ve laughed at his own stupidity, if he wasn’t so horrified at himself. They were in Montpellier, and Ed didn’t speak a lick of French. There were probably folks who could speak english, but the question was rather,  _ would _ they speak english.  
  


He began walking briskly in the direction they had been walking, looking around as carefully as he could. How fast had they been moving? How far would Ed have gotten before he noticed? Things like attention and awareness of his surroundings weren’t always his forte. He was basically a walking ray of sunlight- bright, when directed, warm and strong and golden.  
  


How hard could it be to find a glowing golding paladin knight in a city of small businesslike french folk?  
  


Maybe he should’ve held his hand after all. They wouldn’t have lost each other if they’d just held hands. But no, he had to overthink it, wonder if Ed would catch on to how he felt, notice his pulse speeding up, what if his hands were sweaty, what if Ed was offended or irritated by the suggestion-  
  


He should’ve just held his hand.  
  


_ Idiot _ .  
  


“Ed! Eddie!” he called, earning himself a scowl from a short frenchwoman as he accidentally yelled almost directly into her ear. Damn this crowd, this market, this city, and that stupid shiny magnifying rig.  
  


A loud crashing noise and yelling in French caught his attention. He stopped dead and squeezed his eyes shut for just a moment, indulging himself in a moment of whole-body  _ no _ .  _ Please no. I wanted to find him. Not like this. No.  
  
_

He turned slowly and headed in the direction of the commotion. If he found Ed here, he would really be kicking himself- as if he wasn’t already. Great! Found Eddie! And now they were going to jail!  
  


_ It’s not going to go that way _ , he told himself silently. Ed did tend to point out his tendency to assume worst case scenarios. What would Ed say now?  _ Take a breath, Tjelvar. Tomorrow is a new day. We’re both alive and well. Things aren’t always going to come out as the worst they can be, right? They can’t always be all bad. It’s gonna be alright. _ And then he’d smile, and somehow the whole world would be brighter and shinier and golden, despite him not actually channeling Apollo at all.  
  


He carefully threaded through the people as gently as he could, mindful to pardon himself and apologize in french as he went, until he was able to see what the ruckus was.  
  


_ Oh dear _ .  
  


There was Eddie, alright. All six feet something of him, in his armor, cape, regalia. He wasn’t holding weapons- that was something, at least. Though his arms were spread wide at his sides, and he was in a posture of defensiveness.  
  


In front of him, a car was belching black smoke around the post it had wrapped it’s hood around.  
  


The car behind that was sputtering dark fluid onto the pavement.  
  


The car behind  _ that _ was squished between the bleeding car and yet another one behind that, and-  
  


And-  
  


_ Blast.  
  
_

The next car behind that was striped blue and white, but the police officers weren’t inside it. They were standing up in front of Eddie, gesturing furiously.  
  


_ Oh. We are going to jail after all, _ Tjelvar thought, rather hysterically, closing his mouth from when it had dropped open in sheer disbelief at the scene.  
  


“You are blocking the street and have already caused a large accident! We’re taking you in!”  
  


“Fine, I’ll go with you, I just want to make sure everyone crosses safely! Seems more like your fault than mine, everyone driving so fast and so close to each other, and pedestrians being in danger. I’m just glad nobody got hurt.”  
  


“The cars are destroyed! You-,”  
  


“But nobody got hurt! I did my duty, as a divine defender of all life, properly and justly,” Ed said calmly. The two officers were anything but.  
  


The police had been speaking in English, but now switched to French.  
  


“ _ Is this idiot for real? What do we do about this?”  
  
_

_ “Take him in, probably _ .”  
  


“Excuse me! Hello, excuse me!” Tjelvar called in French, suddenly lurching into action. He had no idea what he was going to say. He was just trying to play it out, make it up as he went. He pushed through and walked over.  
  


Ed beamed at him. “Tjelvar! I knew you’d find me!”  
  


Tjelvar could only smile weakly back. “I… yes. You certainly made it easy to find you,” he said, gesturing at the mangled line of cars behind him. Ed’s smile dropped.  
  


“I didn’t mean to. I mean… nobody is hurt, and that’s what’s important, right?”  
  


“You’ve caused a massive pile up and stopped traffic! This is one of the biggest streets in the city!” one of the police offers cried. He looked like a man on the edge, and had probably been the one driving- he had a big red mark on his forehead with the precise curvature and width of a steering wheel.  
  


“Were you not wearing your seat belt?” Tjelvar asked before he could stop himself. “That’s against the law. And you were calling _him_ an idiot?”  
  


The police officer’s mouth dropped open, and his partner’s eyes went wide.  
  


“I mean. Uh. I’m… glad… nobody is seriously hurt?” Tjelvar tried.  
  


The cell they were put in was luckily empty, and the archaeologist was glad it was a late Tuesday morning and not a friday night or anything. It wasn’t a large holding cell- just a small barred in temporary jail, probably for folks who needed to cool down or sleep it off.  
  


“Sorry, Tjelvar,” Ed said in a low voice, sitting down on the bench heavily.  
  


“No, don’t apologize. I’m the one who said… It’s my fault.”  
  


“No, you were right. They should wear a seat belt. It’s the law. And it’s for safety. They’re police, it’s their job to uphold the law, and they should practice what they preach. That’s paladin training basics,” Ed said, brow furrowed. “Do they not teach that in police training?”  
  


“I don’t know, Eddie,” Tjelvar sighed, brushing dust and cigarette butts off the end of the bench and sitting beside him. Without his armor on, he was… well, he was still massive and glorious.  
  


“I just wish they had listened to me. Did they give you your letter?”  
  


“I- yes, I was able to send a message to an old… ally. Coworker. Anyways, he’ll be along, I’m sure. He owes me a favor. Did you ever throw people in jail at the Apollo temple? I’m surprised you knew they let you send a message.”  
  


“No, I’ve just been in jail before.”  
  


“What?!” He leaned back to study his face- open, handsome, earnest. A man who always prayed over his meat and expressed some form of incredible mercy and kindness on a daily basis. He hardly ever drank, never lied, and had very clear morals.  
  


“There was this slaughterhouse. And some of the guys who worked there were having dinner in the same place I was, and they were talking about the things they did to the pigs before slaughtering them. So I went and set free the pigs, and the cattle and everyone else.” Tjelvar took a moment to smile down at his feet, appreciating the fact that Ed had just called livestock ‘everyone’. Like people.  
  


“How did they know it was you?” Tjelvar asked. “Anyone could’ve set them free.”  
  


“Well, I couldn’t just let them out in the street, could I? They were raised in a building. Didn’t know how to survive in the wild. So I took them home with me.” He frowned. “So that was pretty obvious.”  
  


“What happened to the animals?”  
  


Ed blinked at him and went silent for a long moment. Tjelvar frowned and waved a hand at him.  
  


“Edward? Are you alright?”  
  


“I. Yeah. I just.” He looked down, mouth twisting oddly. It took Tjelvar a few seconds to realize he was doing a sort of frown that looked like he was fighting a smile.  
  


“What?” he asked, confused.  
  


“Nobody ever asks what happened to the animals.”  
  


“Oh.” He blushed and looked down at his own feet. And then looked back up when Ed bumped his shoulder gently with his own. He swayed and bumped him back.  
  


“So what did happen to the animals?”  
  


“A few guys at the temple were mad that they threw me in jail and took them out of the city, got them to a refuge with the help of some Artemis folk. They kept a few pigs around as pets, actually. And a bull. His name was Henry. Apollo is the god of herds and shepherds, you know.”  
  


“I’m glad they were safe in the end.”  
  


“Me too.”  
  


“I’m sorry I lost you in the streets.”  
  


“No, that’s fine. I should’ve kept an eye on you. I know I’m not good at being aware of my surroundings. Friedrich always told meI didn’t pay attention, I was always stupid and oblivious. He always said I had blinders on.”  
  


“I never liked Friedrich,” Tjelvar admitted. “He was never very kind to you.”  
  


“Wasn’t his job, though, was it? He was supposed to tell me what I was doing wrong so I could get better.”  
  


“But that can be done kindly.”  
  


Ed considered this. “Yeah. Yeah, maybe it could’ve. Honesty is good, though-,”  
  


“You’re not stupid, though, and I know he called you stupid. That’s not constructive at all. Do you know the difference between criticism and constructive criticism?” Ed shook his head. “Criticism is just pointing out flaws in people. To criticize someone is to be unkind and tell them what they’re doing wrong. Constructive criticism is when you tell them what they’re doing wrong, but in a way that builds them up. Hence ‘constructive’- to build. So criticism is to tell you that you have blinders on and you’re stupid. But constructive criticism would be to tell you that you may lack in vigilance, and would remind you to pay attention in ways that make you feel rewarded for being vigilant, not punished for a lack of it. Do you understand?”  
  


Ed chewed on his thumbnail. “Yeah. Yeah, I get it.” He frowned. “He wasn’t good at the constructive criticism. Just the criticism.”  
  


“I’m disappointed in him,” Tjelvar grumbled. “I hope you didn’t take his criticism to heart.”  
  


“Nah.”  
  


Tjelvar still made a mental note to me more constructive and positive- Ed was still cheery and optimistic, but he wondered at his internal dialogue, whether Friedrich’s unkindness stuck around at all. When Ed made mistakes, he tended to be very hard on himself.  
  


Eventually, someone came for them. It wasn’t who Tjelvar had sent for, but a man with perfectly curled hair and a ostentatious outfit. Lots of orange and blue. Something nobody should’ve been able to pull off, but something about the very way he walked in made it work. Tjelvar’s brows shot up. This was not the grubby petulant thief-explorer he’d sent for.  
  


“Tjelvar Stornsnasson? Edward Keystone?” the man said in a voice as glossy as his hair. Tjelvar stood, and Edward did as well a moment later.  
  


“Who’s asking?” he said warily. The man smiled brightly at him, like he’d made some clever joke.  
  


“My name is Oscar Wilde. I’m here in lieu of Howard Carter.” He nodded at the jailer, who stepped forward and unlocked the door. “Your bail has been paid. You’re free to go, but I’d prefer it if you came with me.”  
  


“Why?” Tjelvar asked, narrowing his eyes.  
  


“Between us, I’m trying to save the world. Or at least, stop it from consuming itself.”  
  


“Snakes aren’t actually evil,” Ed said kindly. “But it is my divine duty to do good and to help life and that probably includes saving the world. Where’s my breastplate and morningstar?” he asked the jailer.  
  


“‘Divine duty to do good’, says the man being bailed out of jail. What exactly happened? The police said you caused a large amount of vehicular destruction and damages.”  
  


Tjelvar turned and looked at Ed- he actually had never asked why he was in the street. Ed shrugged.  
  


“There were some ducklings gonna cross the road, and the cars weren’t stopping for them. So I made them stop.”  
  


Tjelvar’s heart was actually going to tear out of his chest. He could not bear it. The world didn’t deserve Edward Keystone.  
  


He grabbed his hand in his, and Ed looked at him with confusion.  
  


“I’m never letting you go,” Tjelvar said flatly.  
  


“I’m sorry-,”  
  


“Don’t apologize. I’m- that’s not- I’m not holding your hand because I’m worried you’re going to go out into traffic. I’m holding your hand because I want to help stop traffic with you. You- I can’t- I’m… you amaze me,” he finally managed, squeezing his hand.   
  


Ed smiled at him and held his hand a bit tighter.

**Author's Note:**

> bless the ot9 for inspiring this. And bless these two.


End file.
